This Christmas is different. I am writing this as a different person.
This past weekend I was forced to examine who I was and the mechanics that have been running my life. I have been putting on an act that demanded all eyes on me in every aspect of my life.
I do this because I never wanted to acknowledge that I do this to mask how I truly feel.
Lonely. Unattractive. Uneducated. Incompetent.
These things are always there in the background and I have compensated by always needing to be the brightest star in the room.
But these insecurities aren’t real. My act is a reaction to imaginary traits I made up about myself.
When I had to acknowledge this about myself in front of 108 people over the weekend, all the life drained from my body. My act was all I had!
It was devastating.
However, once that was out of the way, it created a clearing to be myself. I heard peoples’ stories for the first time without listening for an opportunity to make something about me. For the first time I could be there for the sake of being there.
For the FIRST TIME there’s no concern in looking good by listening, or looking bad for showing the vulnerability being connected. It really doesn’t matter.
So bring on your sappy stories! Show me your heartwarming videos! Share with me about yourself in a way that you never would have before. I want to experience it all with this new perspective. It may sound weird and difficult and uncomfortable, but I’ll be damned if this isn’t the best I’ve ever felt.
You can try it out too!
Over the weekend we created a list of the 50 most important people in our lives. That sounded like it was going to take all night, but it didn’t. It was actually hard to stop at 50!
For each those people on your list, put a star next to anyone who there’s something incomplete. Something you’ve wanted to say, but have been holding off for whatever reason. If they were to die tomorrow, what would you lose by having waited to tell them something?
Reach out! Make it a damn Christmas miracle.
I am writing this to remind myself down the line, if my cynicism has crept back in, just how incredibly GOOD and amazing it feels to be authentic and receptive to my fellow human beings.
I love you all!